New Blog

Hi guys (if there is anyone still reading)

 

I have a new blog. it is more about me and my day-to-day life as a student.

It’s called fabistani.wordpress.com

 

Come check it out!

Kud

It’s been a while!

Sorry I haven’t been updating more regularly. I promise I”ll get better in that department. I’m trying to figure out what the blog exactly does for me. There’s a series of questions going on in my mind–does the blog encourage my neurosis with all these healthy and fit, or does it give me an outlet for “the crazy”. Do I end up being more healthy in my behaviors? Do I care how many people read my blog? Do I want more readers? It’s interesting—I have the type of personality–once I start something, I want to be REALLY REALLY good at it. I don’t know if I”m competitive or not, but I want to be the best not because I want to be better than others but because I think taht I can always compete with myself. Now I know that people who have really popular blogs end up spending 20-25 hours a week just on their blog posts/comments. That’s A WHOLE lot of time and even though they get so much cool payback including a pretty penny, I’m not sure I want to spend hours and hours in front of a computer screen when there’s a WHOLE world sitting outside my door waiting to be explored. I want to go out, go biking, running, swimming and spend tons of time with my family/friends. The problem about the internet is that it sucks you in and pretty soon you from saying “I’m just going to check this one post” to checking 10 or 15 or even 20 blogs, updating your face book account and mindlessly wandering through the deep recesses of the internet to look at things you barely give 5 seconds of thought to any given day. I’ve been there. I’ve spent hours just looking at actors/actresses bios….people I don’t even KNOW. I’m not even a fan for many of them but somehow I wanna know minute details of their life. The internet is addicting.

I still enjoy it. It’s like any guilty pleasure—instead of buying US weekly or People magazine, i can just go to celebrity websites. Instead of reading how I lost this weight success stories, I can just go to any number of health/food/fitness blogs to get eth same degree of inspiration. So I’ve been limiting my internet time a little more. Trying to get out more.

Who is this new woman? I’m completing fitness feats I haven’t thought ever possible. Running mileS! PLURAL. I’m biking so much too. I’ve biked at least 25-30 miles this past week and ran 4 miles both sunday and this morning. I am not setting limits. THat would be too limit-ing. I’m pushing my body farther than I ever thought it could go. I’m weighing myself but just as a tracker to make sure I”m not gaining weight by overcompensating in the eating department. I dont’ want to wonder how many calories I need to cut out to lose weight. I don’t want to lift up my shirt and sigh in resignation at my flabby stomach. I want to be capable. And think of food in terms of nourishment. I want to run marathons and do triathlons. I’m making a pledge to my body to be “able” and “capable” and do IT justice by not letting the mental hesitations get to me. I think you should make those pledges too!

I have a physics II exam on Friday so we’ll see how that goes. Programming is fun and I like my classmates in both classes. I went to a Pakistani version of a bachlorette party this past weekend and so I”ll put up some pics. I think that’s the update i have for now!

Physics is going to be the death of me.

I am a capable woman. I can DO things. I am not fazed by the fact that I am one of 3 girls in a 21 people class, or 1 of 3 girls in another 14 people class. The ratios are against me. I am CAPABLE. I can hold my own.  I can do this. I am smart, intelligent and able to hold my own against any of these guys. —–> These are things I tell myself every day. It’s weird being in the minority in such a pronounced way. Why are girls staying away from subjects like physics or programming? I myself am switching my major from a hard science like biology to psychology. I still want to become a Doctor but its’ still rather discouraging when even the ex-Professor of Harvard doesn’t believe women are built for science and maths. It’s hard to go to a class and have a professor who can’t teach (but is really enjoyable and utterly adorable in his craziness) spend 2 hours barking nonsense and non-tangential information to you. I have to then go home and basically re-read the chapters and try to dig deep to remember trig and calc I haven’t used in YEARS. It’s foggy in there, I tell ya. This brain is like a maze and trying to find the door to 3 years long gone physics or 5-10 years long gone maths is like finding a particular grain of sand on the beach. It feels impossible. I know I’ll pull through this–but for now, I have A LOT of work to do and prove that I am as a woman, JUST AS GOOD as any dude out there.

I biked A LOT yesterday. And my groin is in pain but I bought a gelly seat from target and that definitely absorbed some of the shocks (see, I’m using Physics Terminology!). I biked around 12 miles yesterday. A NEW RECORD. And if all goes as planned, I’ll be able to bike 7-15 miles around 3 times a week. Then I’ll see if I can swim two other days, do pushups and ab exercises to make me a well-rounded exerciser. The weight btw disappeared and this morning I woke up to 161.2lbs. It could be dehydration but in general the 3lbs I supposedly “gained’ are gone.

Today I mustered the strength to wake up at 5:30am and go to class. I came home and crashed around 1pm. Only to wake up at 5pm. I am UTTERLY and totally exhausted and so I’ll allow my body the food it needs ot recover. I think I’ve eaten around 2000 calories and that should generally suffice plus or minus another 100-200 cals. I’m not sweating it. I worked out so hard and am pushing my body to do new feats. I’ll allow it to ease into the body it can sustain. No need to force it to adapt or go into starvation mode. Say goodbye to yo-yo dieting once and for all.

I picked up some trashy Contemporary Chick-Lit and I’m super excited to just hang out with friends, go to class, workout and read this summer. I think it has the potential to be such a healthy and heart-happy summer. I have SUCH GREAT NEWS. My aunt who has metastic bone-marrow lymphoma has found a match in my aunt (her sister)!!!!!! SO A TRANSPLANT IS POSSIBLE. I’m so blessed and grateful for this news. Even if bad things happen, at least there IS A CHANCE and it’s a chance I’ve prayed for over and over again. Hopefully, she’ll be getting another dose of chemo. Get her PET scan done and my aunt will take an extended trip this summer (she lives in Pakistan) and the transplant can happen.

I feel all over the place but feel ok. Like I can do ok. After last year at this point when I was being sexually harassed and just got assaulted from an ex-prick for a boyfriend who was emotionally abusive—well let’s just say, I’m much happier and more comfortable in my existence.I thought I’d never be able to find myself again. So I’m here. So present in my own skin. It’s hard to describe–but I HEAR myself again. How many of us lose our “voice”? Try to be the person you were as a child, the organic self that you possess. The best version of yourself. But at the same time the very human version of yourself…does that make sense?

Ok now I”m off to do some INTENSE homeworking and blog reading as an ongoing distraction. It’s 7pm now–Hopefully I can do hw til like 2am and get 4 more hours of sleep before the 24 hour period is through.

Books to read these next two weeks:

1. Thin is the New Happy by Valerie Frankel

2. Sweet Love by Sarah Strohmeyer

3. Chasing Harry Winston by Laren Weisberger

4. She went all the Way by Meg Cabot.

Have a good night you guys and thanks for commenting Sarah and Karen. Makes me feel loved!

I’m Bizack

Ok first off:

Is anyone still reading my blog? I really wanna know. I’m sorry I’ve not been super present lately. Just was sooo busy with my aunt and my cousins. Trying to have a good time while facing my aunt’s illness was difficult but I’m so glad and grateful that I was able to spend this time with her on her almost-birthday.

Summer classes have officially started. I woke up this morning at 6am (eek!) and go to UMAss Lowell to take my Physics II course. The professor is this interesting old senile-physics type personality who constantly refers to himself in third person. I thnk it’ll be difficult but go by really fast. Programming was in Boston and I had to take the train to the Train Station.

Which leads to my victory of athleticism and fitness today! I biked all the way from Lexington to Cambridge on the bike path today and that was at least 7 miles each way. I of course didn’t do that in one go–I bike to the train station. Went to class. Came back and biked home. Evening hours are a little more sketch and there were so many 12year olds-18 year olds I saw in sketchy clothes.  I guess this is where all the delinquents go to do their drugs etc. Super sketchy, but better awkward middle schoolers than creepy ol’ men.

Scale is up to 163.4lbs this morning. But I’m not worried since I ALWAYS gain weight at my aunt’s house. it’ll probably disappear by the end of the week. Last week I worked out 3x with some walking, swimming and jogging—I jogged for 30 minutes straight which is a HUGE record for me.

If you are reading–please leave a comment. Just so I know that someone’s paying attention to my senile ways. Otherwise, I’ll just dwell in my insanity. Have a good night folks! More fun blog posts are on their way :D

What’s new…?

Hello World.

Sorry I’ve been absent. There have been a lot of thoughts just floating around in my mind. Some pointless. Some not. Do you ever have those weeks where your mind is just buzzing but there is nothing coherent or even remotely revolutionary–and yet you feel like those thoughts affect your mood so deeply. Am I making any sense? Probably not. But here are a few snippets of what’s going on in my life:

1. I’m in Michigan right now. I’m here for the week until Next Monday. Pictures will be forthcoming. But for now I’m just going to tell you that I”m spending time bonding with the family. It’s good. It’s emotional. And it’s very draining. And I want to run up to my room and hide out a lot of the time. There’s some security and solace and denial in being alone. And you don’t get yelled at as much. And you don’t have to face realities or pretend that there’s a reality there’ s not. I’m with my aunt (who is currently sick) and my uncle and cousins. And my own familly of course. And it’s both emotionally filling and draining at the same time. There are so many emotions to deal with. And yet so many I’ve shoved down into the very pits of my belly.

2. On the health and fitness front–Weight stayed the same. 161.4lbs. And I’m good with that. Last week I ate more than I had previously and only worked out one of the seven days. Today I went for a long walk. Got some bloody blisters on my feet. This week I’m aiming for like 1800 cals 5/7 days. Well I ate more than 1800 the past two days and from today (Weds-Sun) I’m shooting for around 1800. Obviously I’m on vacation. Can’t stringently count calories, nor do I want to. But the fact is that I’m guesstimating. And in the long run, that is what counts. For reals. It’s the effort that makes the differences between the losers and gainers. Ok, but enough preachiness.

3. I read the Kirsti Alley article in People Magazine and HATED IT. Like truly was very frustrated with it. The self-hate with which Kirstie Alley talked about herself disgusted me and horrified me. I don’t care how much you weigh. What size jeans you wear—you are never “gross” or “disgusting’ or even “ugly”. I wish I could shove her into a hospital room of burn victims and see how her vanity manifested itself then. She has a beautiful face, beautifl body and capable limbs. She is 58. She should have the wisdom at this point to see that. I hate that the industry has allowed a woman to consume herself with feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt. She’s an accomplished woman and she should never let her body weight or shape or measurments detract from that. Anyways i could rant a lot more on this–and nothing I’ll say hasn’t been said before. But I am truly frustrated for this woman and pity her not for the size of her butt, but for the views she has on said size.

4. I went to Target the other day and treated myself to some fun stuff:

IMG_1850 Some fun stuff for my bike–A cute helmet and jelly seat that should cushion some of those bumps on the sidewalk

IMG_1851Some yummy luna bars and Cliff Z bars. Of course the luna bars have since been consumed and I’m working myself through the Cliffs!

IMG_1848New Hair product! Pantene Pro-V curl holding spray. Will review that later. And Biore Blackhead removing pads. Must use those later.

So there you have your Food, Fitness and Fashion Update. Haha. Target satisfies ALL my needs…Now if only Target and I could reproduce together…Alas not ALL my needs. Although give it another 100 years and I”m sure they’ll be selling “make-your-own-baby” kits that involve genetic contributions from various men and you can pick and choose.

And I decided to wear a special shirt in honor of my boyfriend’s birthday yesterday. I wore the shirt I wore the day we met–So here’s what I looked like (approximately) the day we met and I smiled and him and began my bollywood romance.

IMG_1847IMG_1845

Sorry I’ve been absent. I’m back and will be blogging much more frequently. Just a little quiet in general. Will be back to my bubbly self soon with many more uplifting thoughts. Hope all is well in blogland and can’t wait to stop by all of your blogs as well!

It’s official.

I hated the Grey’s Anatomy Finale because of the ambiguous cliffhanger! Otherwise–fun episode with lots of strong acting!

And I loved the Lost finale! Good acting. Interesting story. And craaazay cliffhanger.

Eating more…

Do you guys eat more when you’re sick/congested than when you’re well. Like I take comfort in food. It’s rather sad–unless I have a fever or something viral, I rarely get affected in terms of eating.

So just to keep tabs:

So far

2 days of 1800 calories and like 2 days of 2100 calories.

I have 3 days of 1800 calories to do, if possible. And 2 workouts that need to be scheduled in. So let’s hope that I can get ‘em done. :D