I’m geting sick ;(

You know that feeling you get in your throat where it’s really itchy and you want to make awful noises to “scratch” it and on top of that, it’s a little painful to swallow. That feeling started two nights ago. And now it’s compounded by a general feeling of dizziness and the start of a cold/cough. I’m in that whole “I know I’m getting sick” but-I’m-still-pretty-powerless-to-stop-it-phase. This is rather sad too considering I ate an apple for the first time in months like two days ago and I thought it would be enough to keep the “doctor” away! Currently, I am drinking a “green smoothie” that has like 2-3 cups of spinach, a scoop of protein powder and a banana. I’m hoping that will at least give my body some boost in the vitamin department. And it goes down easy in the throat. Feels rather nice and soothing. It’s a SOOTHIE. haha. I crack myself up and it’s rather sad/pathetic. but if I can’t make myself laugh, then who can??

On other news–I am hitting new fitness milestones and really pushing my body. Yesterday I biked to a friend’s house who lived 5 miles away and biked back. Previously I had only biked a max of like 7 miles so 10+ was a new record for me. My groin is in intense pain now because that seat was all up in there, and I could feel every single BUMP on the sidewalk. OUCH! I almost preferred to bike on the road because it was so much smoother but I don’t think I’m a fast enough biker yet to be biking on the road full-time.

So I’ve got 1/3 workouts done. I think I might go swimming Thursday night and see if I can swim 1/2 a mile (38laps). I might do something today although I do feel weak/sickish. So we’ll see how that goes. I really think that the fitness thing can stick for me if I just keep trying to up my previous goals each week. Llike each week see if I can bike further/swim further/run futher. I want to stat sprinting so I have to make a date with my local track to make that happen. I think I’m slowly getting a hang of the whole “be a rational person in the way you eat and workout”. I can actually be in a house with carrot cake,cheesecake and ice cream in my fridge. Eat a healthy day and have little bits of dessert that I can track into my day’s needs. I’m a lot more sane about my eating than I ever have been. I’m also learning to slowly distance my emotional reality from my eating habits. I wonder if it’ll carry through to next semester?

I left my job at the hospital. I have summer classes starting in two weeks and am going next week to Michigan to visit my ailing aunt. I feel weak and awful. But I quit my job at the hospital because I couldn’t distance myself from the hospital and what’s going on with my aunt. She’s getting so weak and worse in health. And I couldn’t go to the hospital surrounded by sick kids and “act” like everything was just dandy and happy and would be ok. It was my own weakness. I have to grow up and learn to separate my personal life from my job. But I’m such a emotional person and my feelings are always just written on my face.Β  I have the worst poker face in the world. I am weak for not being able to handle this yet. I do hope to become a doctor, but going to a hospital and serving people and acting carefree and totally emotionally available for the children–well it’s a skill I have to develop. I know my supervisor was mad at my unprofessionalism and I wrote him a long email explaining why I had to leave early. But I still feel really apologetic for not being there yet. I’m not a cold person or even a scientific person at heart. I’m an emotional, warm, passsionate person who’s alwaysΒ  100% and beyond available and open and genuine. And I think that’s both my strength and weakness. I just need to learn so damn much and it’s frustating. I don’t really like professional politics and I definitely do not deal well with boundaries. I always want to be so open and friendly and I guess personal with people I interact with–but that’s not how “things are done” and I bet it’ll always hurt me more than benefit me. Do you guys have any tips for learning how to be more professionally savy?

Anyways—that’s the update. Feeling both emotionally and physically vulnerable. And still trekking on through this fitness/health regime.

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Week 3: Challenge Update plus Food pics from the party!

Ok so we’re back to the challenge–Today is Sunday and as usual, I post up pics of my progress in a 360 degree photo spread, write down my weight and analyze what I did right in the past week and what I hope to accomplish:

Here’s the posts for

Week 1

Week 2

You probably won’t be able to see many differences but I’m hoping posting these pictures will give me motivation during the week, help me see just how beautiful my body truly is and help me overcome the body dysmorphia fed to me by society every second of every day by every single media outlet there is. Of course I will see very small changes over time—Over 10lbs or 15lbs but for now, it’s gradual loss with pictures documenting each week.

My weight this morning was 161.2lbs making for a loss of 1.4lbs!!! That’s a great loss and I’ll definitely take it considering that I ate how I wanted and still managed to lose. Here are my pics!

Photo 91Photo 89Photo 93Photo 92

One thing I’m really sad to see is that my butt is going. 😦

I really love my bootylicious body and it’s slowly melting away. I need to find a way to melt the fat around my thighs and stomach without losing my butt. I am doing lunges, squats and walking on incline but still my butt refuses to stay and witness the ass-kickin’ into shape. I’ve kicked my ass so hard, it’s left….Hopefully when the rest of the fat melts, the glorious badunkadunk will return in some capactiy back to me.

Good things I did this week:

1. I worked out 3/3 times. I did the p90x legs and back video for like 70 minutes one day, I walked on the treadmill/jogged on a high incline for 45 minutes one day and I biked 5-7 miles on Friday. I’ll take it!

2. I ate around 1800 calories 4 days and 2100 the other 3 days. Considering this week was my TOM, I’m not too sad to see those numbers or ashamed. I think I kept it really reasonable.

3. I didn’t weigh myself until Saturday. So here’s my weighing philosphy: I don’t weigh myself during the week. I DO weigh myself twice a week–once on Saturday and once on Sunday. That way, if there’s any discrepancies related to sodium concentrations/water retention, dehydration, TOM etc. I kind of mitigate it. Then I pick the lower number….Now that might not be ENTIRELY accurate–but frankly WHO cares. I’m not a science experiment where all the data has to be averaged and accounted for. As long as I always weigh-in both days and pick the lower number, I”ll be consistently weighing in each week. This weighing in on Saturday morning and Sunday morning also ensures that I don’t to crazy over the weekend eating wise or calorie wise. Of course, considering the fact that I work both Saturday and Sunday most weekends, I dont’ really have an opportunity to go crazy eating wise.

4. I showed some self-love. VERY VERY important on this journey–make a promise to love yourself weekly to start, and then maybe daily and maybe all the time. Work really hard on showing some self-love because that’s one of the big roots or foundations for successful weight loss over long-term.

5. I had a couple Green Smoothies.

Things I’d like to do this week:

1. Workout 3 times this week. For this working-out thing to stick I need to start out doing 3 times/month for the first month, then maybe up it to 4 times/month, then 5 etc. You get the idea. I started out with 2-3 and think I can accomplish 3 times per week pretty successfully. There’s no need to jump into a work-out regime that you can’t sustain or even maintain. Accept going slow and building up.

2. Eat 1800 calories 4-5 days and 2100 calories for the other two. This week is not TOM, and so I have less hormonal impulses to eat or emotionally express myself through food. I can do this!

3. Drink 4-5 green smoothies. Get those vitamins for real!

4. Show some self-love. This week my exercise will be to stand in front of a mirror naked and look COMPLETELY objectively. Critique the body the way I would a beautiful piece of art or painting. NO judgment and no hatred. super hard! but I should try and do it!

I’ll check back next week with the next challenge update. But here are pictures of the fabulous food I had last night!! πŸ˜€

IMG_1802Nargisi Koftey (beef meatballs with hardboiled eggs)

IMG_1804Aloo (Boiled potatos with lots of spices and herbs)

IMG_1807Chicken Jalfreezi (Chicken with red and green bell peppers)

There was also some Tandoori Chicken that I didn’t photograph and some Haleem and Palau

IMG_1808Lauki ka Halwa (A pakistani dessert made by stewing Butternut Squash with milk and sugar)

That’s real silver on the top that is made edible. It’s a common decoration in desserts to make you feel super decadent πŸ˜€

IMG_1814Chocolate Cheesecake!!!

There was also Carrot Cake and a pakistani dessert called Jalebi and some Vanilla Icecream

I didn’t even get a chance to photograph the 4-6 different types of breads we served. Overall, it was a true feast and I kept my portions super reasonable. I took a plate and covered half of it with salad–then I grabbed a little bit of everthing. And for dessert, I got it after everybody else and limitied myself to slivers of my favorite desserts. The chcolate Cheesecake wasΒ  a HUGE hit!!!

Now I”m off to go to work from 11:30-7pm. Have I got your mouth watering yet? πŸ˜€

A very fulfilling day!

Today a lot of positives happened which makes me feel good about going to bed tonight and I hope to wake up happy as well!

First ofΒ  all: The weather was absolutely beautiful. It was a high of 77degrees and even now, I’ve opened up my windows to allow the 73 degree breeze to waft in and out of my room. A beautiful spring/early summer day.

I had to rectify a silly ironic mistake that defines my day-to-day life. I had bought a bicycle lock a few weeks back and specifically chose a combination lock so that a missing key would never be an issue. Lo and behold, I misplaced the combination and thus could not lock/unlock my bicycle with the lock presently attached. I had to then bike to the Hardware store to get this lock snipped off and buy a new lock with a combination that I shall henceforth save in several places so as to never lose the lock again. Irony of ironies. Aren’t you impressed by my usage of the word “henceforth”? πŸ˜€

Having to bike to the hardware store and back, with a stop a the Grocery store for graham crackers to use in my crust, I biked a cool 5-7 miles today. Don’t know how many..all I know was that my shirt and pants were drenched.

Photo 81 The beautiful linen top “kurta” I wore that ended up being soaked all the way

in the back…Still looked good though πŸ˜€

So that makes 3/3 workouts this week and I’m hoping to squeeze a little something extra in the morning…maybe a yoga session or something.

I refreshed myself with a Green Smoothie—I cannot stop raving about these! Taste SOOO good, are so refreshing and pack a big nutritional punch. Photo 85 “mmmm.My precious…..I bestow upon you “The Green Smoothie”

Then I got to the fun part of my day—baking!!! Today on the agenda was baking the chocolate cheesecake. This cheesecake then would go in the fridge for the decorational part/unveiling tomorrow before the party. But I did want to leave you with some fun pictures of the process:

Photo 82 My 10-year old niece beating together the cream cheese and sugar. Yummmmm!

Photo 83 Is there anything as beautiful and silky as freshly melted chocolate???

Photo 87 This is the cheesecake after it came out of the oven. I let it cool on the counter

for 2 hours and then put it in the fridge to set completely. Isn’t she lovely?!

So the cheesecake is in the fridge. My teeth are brushed, and am currently wearing glasses, laying comfily (is that a word?) in my bed with a romance novel and glass of water to keep me company. Tonight I”ll probably have an early night, going to bed around 9:30 or 10. Tomorrow is work in the morning from 9:45-3:30 and then I’m helping my mom get ready for the dinner party she’s throwing for a colleage. 30 guests, yummy food and tons of good times to be had by all. The actual cheesecake unveiling will happen tomorrow. Have a healthful, safe, happy night!

Baking tomorrow!

Ok so I haven’t actually gotten to the baking yet. I ended up working on MCATS for like four hours yesterday and did the last three chapters of the biology section. So now I’ll just have to reveiw the hundreds of notecards I made for that section throughout the year. To do: Section test and then onto Chemistry for the next month and a half or so.

Tomorrow I shall bake for my mother’s party that she’s throwing on Saturday for a colleague. On the agenda:

Nigella Lawson’s Chocolate cheesecake from the food network website.

Pumpkin Bread–recipe TBD.

And pictures WILL be put up tomorrow. My best friend is in town from college for a week and a half before she flies off to egypt to be with her man (such a glamorous life she leads πŸ˜€ ) and so we’ll be spending a WHOLE lot of next week together.

Today was not as productive in the MCATs front but I did go to the local BJs and Costco to pick up lots of goodies. Highlights include spinach and bananas for my green smoothies!, Terra Chips (my guilty pleasure!), and a new flavor of Honey Nut cherrios that are Banana flavored.

I ate a delish dinner of asparagus, salmon, brown rice and half a samosa. Dessert was a couple bites of Haagen Daas Froyo and brown sugar ice cream. Yummm! I did eat over the calories I determined to have, so I hauled my now diminishing bootay onto the treadmill and walked/jogged for 45 minutes. I think it was enough to use up the extra calories I consumed today. That makes day 2 of the 3 -4 days of exercise I need to do. So that’s the update. Now I’m going to catch up on some blogs and go to bed! Tomorrow will have pictures of the baking bonanza. Have a safe night and good day tomorrow πŸ˜€

Today’s Plans

UPDATE:

I did study til 3:15pm, completing three chapters in my MCATS. Did not end up biking or working out. Ended up lying down like a bum and just chilling. However, I did consume 2100 calories today, so I’ll try to squeeze in a workout after the gap of about 40 or so minutes on the treadmill to burn off those 300-400 extra calories. Then maybe some yoga. Let’s make that happen πŸ˜€

Quick Post with my schedule:

11-1ish: Study for MCATS

1:30-3: Yoga/Ab Ripper

3-4:30 Bike to Stop and Shop and pick up the following groceries:

-spinach, kale, cream cheese, sour cream, sugar, white flower, bananas, strawberries, springform pan etc.

4:30-5:30 eat

6-9:30 work at the GAP

Then I’m free to bake and do whatever I want. I’ll see if I can get some fun cheesy pictures in the mix. I feel like baking today and I might do that later at night. I’m picking up my best friend from the airport tomorrow and that should be fun. Lots of fun stuff planned!

The Weekend Update

First of all–Thanks for SUCH SUCH lovely comments. Dang Girl is the best phrase to uplift someone who’s been feeling periody and gross…Thanks ya’ll.

Ok sorry this post took a day too long, but yesterday was rather crazy hectic and today-thursday I have off from the hospital so I have a second to breathe and get together my thoughts.

As a person, I’m rather kind of lame–not in a personal sense but in a lack-of-a-party-animal-instinct sense. I’d much rather curl up in my bed with a good book, junky carbs and some laptop tv action rather than go through the painstaking effort of getting dolled up, to go to a hot, sweaty club for 10$ only to be danced on by drunk gross guys. And the sad truth is that I’m only 20/2months shy of 21. I should be out partying, interacting and exploring the city (I Heart Boston). So this past week, I decided that instead of spending time on my bed just lying and watching tv and noshing on junk food, I’d get out and go to concerts/enjoy my time at various social affairs. Here’s the weekend play-by-play:

Friday: I worked from 10-3, and got home around 5ish. Then I spent about 2 hours just carbo-loadaing (PMS-ing like WOAH). My brother and his friend were at home and both asked if I wanted to go to a concert in Allston, MA. They said a group from Portual with Angola-inspired beats (I.e. Afro-portuguese) music was going to be there along with a famous DJ from philly known as DJ Sega. I said “sure” figuring why not burn a few calories dancing all those carbs off and just getting in the swing of things. The group was called : Buraka Som Sistema and they were fantastic. Really realy fun. I ended up dancing from like 10pm-1am straight with both Dj Sega and Buraka Som Sistema playing fantastic stuff. I danced in the fron of the stage and even got serenaded by one of the artists. Both artists came by to shake my hands a couple times and I even got pulled up stage in the end to dance with “all the pretty ladies”. At the end of the concert the handsome singer even kissed my cheek good bye. I can’t tell if that was Portuguese custom, or “girl-you-ARE FINE” custom. Either way, I got kissed by a celebrity who won the European Music Awards for Best Portuguese Artist! It was so much fun and such a good self-esteem boost. A gay black man booty popped on me to impress one of my brother’s friends. I just laughed and danced along with him, figuring–a gay man is so much safer to dance with than any gross drunk straight guys. It was overall a good night and I ended up going to bed at like 3am.

Next day, I had to work from 10-3. Somewhat Long day at the GAp. but it was ok and went by pretty fast. I then went bra shopping with my mom and made all the macy’s sales rep laugh with the funny banter my mom and I were exchanging. they said we should get our own tv show, based on how funny we were.

At night my family and I went to see a famous Pakistani Pop Artist named Shahzad Roy. I didn’t really know too much of his music but decided to act like his number one fan and just scream/dance my body off. Why not? I try not to take myself too seriously in life and just have a good time when the opportunity presents itself. Despite not having too much of a social life in terms of partying, I am REALLY fun to be with and tend to have very little inhibitions in terms of having a good time. I do not drink and never have needed to because more-often-than-not, I play the part of the “drunk chick” better than any girl who’s ever imbibed. I’ll have no qualms going to an empty dance floor and dancing my booty off, nor do I try to act in any way that tries to solicit boys. I act like myself and adopt a “take-it-or-leave-it” attitude. So I got to the party and hung out with some friends. Then I found out that Shahzad Roy was standing outside of the door of the Hotel Banquet room.

I just went upto him and started talking.Β  I told him how I was Pakistani but American born,bred and raised and thus was often confused about my own self-identification. I made him laugh and I know he wanted to talk more to me–but he had to go in and perform. I decided to take a silly picture for my own gratification:

img_1758 My friend Manizeh is on the right and I’m the crazy looking girl on the left. I was just trying to be ironic: As in–“omfg, i’m so excited, i’mΒ  your number one fan, look at me, I’m excited, take a picture with me. do it. do it. do it. do me. marry me. make babies with me. Etc.” haha. He’s married, btw. Just married a vj in January. But nonetheless, I’m allowed to act crazy every now and then if it involves a Pakistani pop artist and the very crazy looking photo that gives me laughs the next day.

Now we all went into the hall to attend the performance. He started singing and no one was really dancing. So my mom got up and pulled me to the dance floor and for a good 2-3 minutes we were the only ones dancing. But by the end of the party there were a good number of ppl on the dance floor. And between each song, Shahzad Roy would personally ask my mother and I to get on the dance floor and dance. Here are some pictuers of us dancing:

img_1764img_1765img_1766Clearly I know how to get down πŸ˜€

At the end of the concert, I went into the hotel lobby to sit and wait for my friend to come and take me home. And Shahzad Roy (Pakistani-pop-artist)Β  came into the lobby swarmed by a circle of fans. His eyes met mine and her personally smiled and waved as if he knew me. Everybody turned around to see who he saw, and “knew”. I clearly made an impression because as he left, he turned around and waved goodbye again. The 6th grade girl in me squeeled and said something akin to “OMFG, the pakistani-pop-artist man totally noticed me. Like woah!”. I’m sure there’s some teenage girl livin in Pakistan right now hoping that Shahzad Roy could notice her too and to her, I wanna say “if I did it, you can too!” I got home at like midnight and went to bed.

But before going to sleep, i took this adorable picture with my older brother:

img_1780I worked on Sunday from 1-7 at the Gap and came home to a quiet house to unwind from SO MUCH SOCIALIZATION. Exhausting, I tell you. But overall, tons and tons of fun! I’ll show you guys more pictures if I get any more. But that was what happened this weekend.

Today I did the first of 4 activity days. I worked out for 1 hour an then some to the P90x legs and back video. Tomorrow will probably be Ab Ripper in the P90x series and an hour of yoga. Stop by and show me some love, because you know it brightens my day πŸ˜€

Week 2: Challenge Update

So you guys should expect to see a post tomorrow or later today about my busy activity-filled weekend, but for now–Here’s my update on the challenge:

photo-89

This week I did TONS of good things. And people are noticing. I have been told that I have lost weight like 3-4 times in the past two days, so I think the changes are taking form.

Activity Goals:

I met and surpassed my goals of getting active at least 3 times this week. On Monday and Tuesday I did the P90x videos with some yoga and biking mixed in. On Thursday I went swimming for 45 minutes. And both Friday night and Saturday night, I danced the night away with combined nights equalling around 5 hours of dancing. I TOTALLY BUSTED A MOVE πŸ˜€

Food Goals:

I ate around 1800 calories for at least 4 of the past days. The other 3 or so, I may have had around 2100 or so. No more than 2200, and I think those days I was just listening to hunger cues. On Friday, I had my typical PMS carbo-loading session where I can’t get over my love of bread and stuff my mouth with mouthfuls of the delicious stuff. I think I was extrememly nutritious for the most part. I had the Green Smoothies like 5 times in the past week…my mouth sores are gone after like 2 months of chronic mouth sores and I think it has to do with these green smoothies. All those vitamins. Today I tried my first one with Kale and it was still super delicious and filling πŸ˜€

Now I think I’m going to take measurments every month because I don’t expect to see any really tangible changes week-to-week. But here are visual pictures of my body more for me than for you. I take them also so I can see my body objectively because I think that I often have body dysmorphia alternating between thinking my body is smaller than it really is or bigger…it’s weird. I can think both thoughts in the same day too…So having these 360 degree photos forces me to really “see” myself.

In terms of weight: I weighed in at 162.6lbs, but that includes the normal 2-3lbs of water retention I have with TTOM. Nonetheless, I did lose 2.2lbs in the past week and I’ll be sure to give myself props for that πŸ˜€

photo-91photo-92photo-93photo-94

So that’s the challenge update for this week. Tomorrow will be more fun pictures and updates on my activity filled weekend πŸ˜€

Hope you all are having as wonderful a weekend as I am!