I’m geting sick ;(

You know that feeling you get in your throat where it’s really itchy and you want to make awful noises to “scratch” it and on top of that, it’s a little painful to swallow. That feeling started two nights ago. And now it’s compounded by a general feeling of dizziness and the start of a cold/cough. I’m in that whole “I know I’m getting sick” but-I’m-still-pretty-powerless-to-stop-it-phase. This is rather sad too considering I ate an apple for the first time in months like two days ago and I thought it would be enough to keep the “doctor” away! Currently, I am drinking a “green smoothie” that has like 2-3 cups of spinach, a scoop of protein powder and a banana. I’m hoping that will at least give my body some boost in the vitamin department. And it goes down easy in the throat. Feels rather nice and soothing. It’s a SOOTHIE. haha. I crack myself up and it’s rather sad/pathetic. but if I can’t make myself laugh, then who can??

On other news–I am hitting new fitness milestones and really pushing my body. Yesterday I biked to a friend’s house who lived 5 miles away and biked back. Previously I had only biked a max of like 7 miles so 10+ was a new record for me. My groin is in intense pain now because that seat was all up in there, and I could feel every single BUMP on the sidewalk. OUCH! I almost preferred to bike on the road because it was so much smoother but I don’t think I’m a fast enough biker yet to be biking on the road full-time.

So I’ve got 1/3 workouts done. I think I might go swimming Thursday night and see if I can swim 1/2 a mile (38laps). I might do something today although I do feel weak/sickish. So we’ll see how that goes. I really think that the fitness thing can stick for me if I just keep trying to up my previous goals each week. Llike each week see if I can bike further/swim further/run futher. I want to stat sprinting so I have to make a date with my local track to make that happen. I think I’m slowly getting a hang of the whole “be a rational person in the way you eat and workout”. I can actually be in a house with carrot cake,cheesecake and ice cream in my fridge. Eat a healthy day and have little bits of dessert that I can track into my day’s needs. I’m a lot more sane about my eating than I ever have been. I’m also learning to slowly distance my emotional reality from my eating habits. I wonder if it’ll carry through to next semester?

I left my job at the hospital. I have summer classes starting in two weeks and am going next week to Michigan to visit my ailing aunt. I feel weak and awful. But I quit my job at the hospital because I couldn’t distance myself from the hospital and what’s going on with my aunt. She’s getting so weak and worse in health. And I couldn’t go to the hospital surrounded by sick kids and “act” like everything was just dandy and happy and would be ok. It was my own weakness. I have to grow up and learn to separate my personal life from my job. But I’m such a emotional person and my feelings are always just written on my face.  I have the worst poker face in the world. I am weak for not being able to handle this yet. I do hope to become a doctor, but going to a hospital and serving people and acting carefree and totally emotionally available for the children–well it’s a skill I have to develop. I know my supervisor was mad at my unprofessionalism and I wrote him a long email explaining why I had to leave early. But I still feel really apologetic for not being there yet. I’m not a cold person or even a scientific person at heart. I’m an emotional, warm, passsionate person who’s always  100% and beyond available and open and genuine. And I think that’s both my strength and weakness. I just need to learn so damn much and it’s frustating. I don’t really like professional politics and I definitely do not deal well with boundaries. I always want to be so open and friendly and I guess personal with people I interact with–but that’s not how “things are done” and I bet it’ll always hurt me more than benefit me. Do you guys have any tips for learning how to be more professionally savy?

Anyways—that’s the update. Feeling both emotionally and physically vulnerable. And still trekking on through this fitness/health regime.


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